Tiffany is the name, and Sunkist Fruit Gems were the game. How many could I take without getting caught? The Jewel in K3 had no idea what was coming. While my older sister resorted to peeling gum and candy off the floor, I preferred the bigger challenge: the still wrapped, sugar-coated, gummy candies glowing from their bin like gold at the end of a rainbow. I loved shopping day and looked forward to the excursion.
The task was simple, really. Approach nonchalantly, glance around the room, and when the coast was clear, like lightning, grab a piece and shove it into my coat pocket. And when we left the produce aisle, when Mom wasn't looking, I'd enjoy my cheap thrill.
I don't remember how or when, but my kleptomanic tendencies eventually came to an end. I think it was probably around the time I stole tic-tacs from the checkout line. I made sure to walk with a steady stride, avoiding the clanging bounce of the candies against the plastic case. Once we were in the car, I [stupidly] offered some to my sister and her friend right in front of my mom. (Did I mention I was in the passenger seat and literally had to turn around to even offer some of my prize? Yeah. I was THAT dumb.) Mom whipped the car around faster than idontknowwhat, and she made me apologize to the store manager for what I did. (That's what I get for being sweet.) It was mortifying. (And that's what I get for being stupid.)
I remember stealing earrings once. I DID get caught (I don't remember how, but I did make it all the way home before it was noticed), and "cleverly" blamed the stolen earrings on my brother. (Why didn't I blame my toddler sister? Yeah, I have no idea. Apparently my little brother seemed much more believable at the time. Or maybe that was what just spewed out of my mouth first? I STILL have a problem saying things without thinking first! But that's another subject for another day.)
Then there was the time that I stole a purple Crayola bear pencil topper on my way to preschool. It's odd that I remember this one, because I was so young, but it's actually kind of funny. On my way into the school, I dropped it on the steps without realizing it. On the way out, I saw a mom pick it up and give it to her daughter. Frantically, I patted my pockets to be sure it was mine. It was, and I was livid. Someone was trying to steal MY hard-earned junk! I somehow managed to sneak away from my mom and get it from them. It was really quick. I remember saying, "That's mine" (sweetly, of course), and taking it out of the mother's hand before running back inside before my mom knew I was missing. I must've really wanted that pencil topper, which I couldn't use anyway, because my parents would ask where I got it from. [Note: I found this little purple bear while packing up the basement before our big move 10 years ago.]
Enter modern day Tiffany. Imagine my surprise when in the checkout at Bed, Bath and Beyond there sat a box of those Sunkist gems. No, I didn't steal them. But it did make me laugh and brought back a whole slew of childhood memories. I still remember the taste, and how I would suck on them until the sugar would dissolve. Then, I'd bite down slowly, because the feeling of my teeth going through the candies reminded me of biting through my own tongue. It was almost as though I was stealing one with my mind and experiencing all the taste senses. Funny, come to think of it, I don't recall ever having bought one of those fruit gems in my entire life. They probably wouldn't be as good as I remember them being anyway.
And now my mouth is watering. Great. I should've bought a box.
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